How to Kiss : Tutorial

This is an instructable on how to kiss. Kissing can be a hard thing to do until you get comfortable doing it, and while nothing can fully prepare you for a kiss, this how-to will explain some of the basics of kissing a partner and explore some simple kissing do's and don't's.

Note: I am by no means a kissing expert. The information in this instructable is based upon experience and some simple research on the subject.

Let's get started with just a simple kiss.

STEP 1: PRE KISS

The lead up to the kiss can actually be the most difficult part of kissing. Figuring out whether your partner is ready to kiss you or not can be a challenge of its own.

If you see one or a combination of these indicators, there is a good chance that your partner is thinking about kissing you.

• eyes become soft and heavy
• eye contact is made and sustained
• head turns slightly
• lips are licked or bitten
• your partner makes physical contact with you beyond what seems appropriate for normal conversation (e.g. he or she brushes your hand, touches you on the shoulder or leg, or fidgets with an accessory)
• easy conversation comes to a stop, but eye contact is not broken
• your partner smiles in conjunction with any of the above behaviors

To give your partner the cue that you wish to kiss him or her, you can try one or a combination of these things.

• soften your gaze by relaxing the muscles around your eyes, somewhat like smiling but without engaging your mouth
• smile often, though
• make eye contact and allow it to linger for a few moments longer than you normally would
• find ways to subtly (but respectfully) touch your partner

If you think you are picking up some of these signs, but are still unsure if the person wants to be kissed then there is nothing wrong with just simply asking your partner if a kiss would be all right. Granted it breaks the mood a bit, and sensing the magic is always nicer than asking if it's there, but better to be sure your partner is on board for the kiss otherwise you might be heading for an embarrassing situation.

If you've assessed the situation, and it seems probable that a kiss is imminent, the next things to think about are timing and approach. The key to nailing the pre kiss is matching your partner's speed and intensity. The kiss is the first opportunity to physically connect with your partner, and so you want to meet him or her halfway.

Here are some steps you could follow as you go in for the kiss. Keep in mind that the kiss you share with someone is as unique as your relationship with that person, so follow your instincts and use the following as a rough guideline.

1. Establish a physical connection by placing your hands on your partner's body. Placement depends on the dynamic between you, you can softly touch the face, the back of the neck or the shoulders. Be gentle with your touch if this is the first contact you are making. Stay away from "high risk" zones on your partners body, as you just want to indicate that you are interested in kissing them, not give them a full body search.

2. Establish and maintain eye contact from this point on. The eyes are often a clear indicator if someone wants to be kissed, or is thinking about kissing you. Try to look at your partner with a deep, yet soft gaze. Use your eyes to send them a message that shows how you feel for your partner, e.g., "I care for you, I am on fire when I look at you, I want to kiss you."

3. As you lean in, you may want to tilt your body and head to accommodate your partner's positioning. One partner will have to make room for the other, or both partners can just slightly tilt heads in opposite directions. Basically you are just trying to avoid a nose collision as you get closer, so just pick a side to turn to and don't give it too much thought.

4. Gauge how quickly your partner is leaning in and try to meet at the halfway point between you, so neither person is overextended. Over/under extension can make one person feel like they are not getting met and are either too aggressive, or not engaged enough.

If you have come this far with your partner chances are you are going to kiss, or you have misread the entire situation and they are just leaning in to look at something stuck in your teeth.

If the first is true, then read on because it's time to pucker up and get on with THE KISS.

Why a Kiss is Definitely More than a Kiss?

When the mood strikes, a kiss can catch us in a mix of tastes, textures, mysteries—and scents.  We kiss nervously, flirtingly, angrily, or excitedly.  And a kiss is not just all about sex: Hollywood celebs throw us air kisses, mobsters impart the kiss of death, and an astronaut kisses the soil after a safe return home.  So why, then, are we so taken with the kiss?

 

Scientists agree our lips evolved first for eating—and then later for speech.  Yet, with a kiss, a different kind of ‘hunger’ applies.  Kisses set off a whirlwind of neuro-chemical messages yielding anything from sensations of touch to sexual arousal; feelings of closeness to even a wave of euphoria.

However, kissing is not a solo affair, and kissing transmits external messages as well.  The bringing together of two bodies sets off messages just as powerful with your partner (whether they are precisely the same feelings is another matter altogether).  Kisses pack quite a punch: even one can transmit much information about the potential of a relationship.  Research proves that kisses are so powerful that a ‘first kiss’ gone badly can derail even the most promising of relationships.

Scientists believe that lip-locking evolved as a means to promote mate-selection.  Kisses transmit olfactory, tactile and postural types of information tapping into both the conscious and unconscious mind that drives decisions, including a genetically-compatible mate!  Some researchers believe that a kiss can even disclose the extent to which a partner might commit to raising children—central to our specie’s survival.

Nearly 50 years ago, British zoologist and author Desmond Morris posited that kissing probably evolved from primates: mothers chew food for their young, and then feed them mouth-to-mouth.  And since chimps still feed this way, early man probably did so, as well. 

This press of outturned lips against lips may have later progressed as a way to comfort children in times of hunger—and eventually becoming a general expression of affection.  (Leave it to us humans to take these first parental kisses down the myriad of paths we have today!)

It is believed that unseen chemical messengers named pheromones helped along the evolution of the intimate kiss.  Both animals and plants use pheromones to communicate: insects, for example, emit pheromones to signal alarms, point out a food trail or announce sexual attraction.

In 1995, a Swiss researcher showed why pheromones are so important in humans, too.  He had women sniff t-shirts worn by men, and asked which smelled best.  The results were startling: the women did not choose randomly, which was discovered by comparing the DNA of the women and men.  Instead, women overwhelmingly picked the scent of man whose histocompatibility complex (MHC)—the genes that forge our immune systems—differed from their own.  (Different MHC’s mean less immune overlap, and the increased likelihood of healthy, disease-resistant kids.)  Thus, kissing may be a woman’s way of assessing a potential mate’s immune compatibility—without investing an excessive amount of time, energy in (and not to mention sexual activity with) a man.

However, these scientists aren’t telling the average person anything new: when it comes time to close your eyes and lean in, we all know that a kiss is never just a kiss.